You know it, I know it, and your boss knows it - your new user training is basically a "check the box" activity. Nobody actually walks away from training able to do their job without further assistance (and a lot of it) from you or other co-workers.

I grew up watching David Copperfield, Lance Burton, David Blaine, and a dozen other magicians that you've probably never heard of. I learned how to perform a few magic tricks to entertain friends (although I never quite made it to the level of Gob), and perform at Children's birthday parties. 

One thing I learned from performing magic was that what seemed to be so impossible, was usually the result of a very simple